Friday Night Paranoia…
As I write this a black Volkswagen Polo (not mine) sits outside our front door. I don't mean outside as in 'on the street', I mean outside as in 'up on the footpath'…about 2 inches from the door itself!
This seems to be a growing trend. I live in a small cul de sac of (maybe) 40 houses, but ours appears to be the only one where drivers feel the need to practically park in the hall. Before the Polo there was one of those planet-wrecking, Land Rover-type behemoths, and before that a large white van.
Perhaps this is some unsubtle from of surveillance. The van was unmarked as I recall (apart from a sign in the back window that declared "My other car's a Porsche"), and it had ample room for equipment with which to surveil the house. I did once call Bertie Ahern a "stupid cunt", in fairness, so I might now have made a list of potentially dangerous subversives.
On the other hand, the van could represent a crude attempt at kidnapping. By parking mere centimetres from the front door they may have hoped to fool me into walking straight in the side door of the vehicle, while on my way out to buy a pint of milk. I am often quite distracted…so it wouldn't be as hard as you'd think.
If anyone could suggest appropriate counter-measures to deal with this possible invasion of my privacy (or threat to my freedom) please let me know…
Now where did I put that tin-foil hat…?
September 30, 2005
5 responses to Friday Night Paranoia…
Whenever i find myself in a potential kidanapping situation, i kidnap myself and then ransom me off to the highest bidder. However, be prepared to remove some fingers and toes to send to your family for a ‘realistic kidnap effect’. Remember, you’ll need a place to hide for a few weeks, like the basement, or the south of France. I’m sure this will solve the problem.
I was wondering why you had so many missing digits. Didn’t want to be insensitive and bring it up though. So, how much do your family usually pay for your safe return? Just want to know what the going rate is at the moment.
usually it’s about £2.50 and a packet of digestive biscuits. Still, it’s tax deductable.
Update on the surveillance situation: the Polo has now been replaced by the manky white van.
They take it in shifts you see…it ensures constant 24 hour surveillance…
The ‘mankiness’ of that van is a bit too uniform for it to be natural. It’s obviously a brand, new vehicle cunningly disguised as a filthy piece of crap…