Feeding Radiation
Though I have a television (the object) I never watch TV (the medium). In other words, though the box sits (as is customary) in the corner of our sitting room, it is not hooked up to anything other than a DVD player, a VCR, and a smattering of games consoles.
It has been over two years now since my girlfriend and I made the decision to 'just say no' to the 'drug of the nation', and (after some initial cold turkey) we have rarely regretted it. Turning our backs on the medium has had certain, joyous, benefits: We don't know the names of recent Big Brother contestants; We have reduced our consumption of home improvement / makeover shows to nil; We buy / rent a lot more DVDs, thus controlling what we watch and when we watch it.
Having said all that, there are definite drawbacks. For example, when explaining the situation to interested (or disinterested) parties, it's hard not to come across as a pompous aesthete, or anti-modern reactionary of some sort:
What? Television, did you say? Oh no my dear boy, I never indulge. The very thought of such naked vulgarity makes me weak. In fact…I may swoon. Quickly! Fetch my lavender-soaked handkerchiefs…only they can sooth me now…
You see the difficulty…
I must admit though, the advent of digital TV (with its promises of abundance) has (occasionally) tempted me to fling open the doors and allow the medium back into our house like a prodigal son returning. The main catalyst for this potential about-turn has been a growing awareness of the goodies on offer on Turner Classic Movies, some of which are unavailable on either DVD or Video. I know, I know…Ted Turner is quite probably a gargantuan bollocks, and his determined advocacy of 'colorization' definitely qualifies him for a prime spot in Hell's damned kingdom, but…it's hard to resist the dangly carrot of movie goodness.
Anyway, since my beloved emphatically ruled out the possibility of a return to 'channel land', I had to move on to Step Two, namely, trying to convince my parents to 'go digital'. This task proved surprisingly easy and, as of Monday, they are now the proud possessors of 45 channels…at least 40 of which are probably utter crap. Ah well, never mind, Peckinpah's Ride the High Country (unavailable on DVD) is on TCM tomorrow night at 7 p.m., so at least I'll be happy…Mwaaaa Haaaaa Haaaaa!
October 26, 2005
9 responses to Feeding Radiation
For future pub reference… This years big brother contestants were all camp, wacky, hairdressers from leeds called ‘Mate’. There was no winner however, as the house was badly firebombed in week two, killing everyone inside. The show was replaced by continuous illiterate text messages scrolling across a blank screen 24 hours a day. It got the highest ever C4 ratings.
Sadly I don’t think you can kill Big Bruvver contestants so easily…except with a shot-gun blast to the brain (what little there is).
I believe that George Romero’s next project is to address this phenomenon: It is 2235 A.D. and the world is over-run by undead hordes of reality tv show rejects. The 12 people in the world who don’t describe themselves as celebrities are holed up in a walled compound built from the ruins of the Channel 4 HQ.
I can’t wait to be a celebrity! I’ve already shagged a footballer and a footballer’s wife, though, as Max Clifford, the Charon of the celebrity underworld, pointed out, sadly not at the same time. I hear the fabulous and glamourous highlights of being an acolyte celeb include being bayed at by Ben Sherman enshirted knuckledraggers to get one’s knockers out while doing “appearances” at provincial English nightclubs.
We’re gonna need a bigger bosom!
I am already a celebrity and can highly recommend it! I recently sold some photos of myself taking a dump on the jacks, snorting a line of uncle Charlie off the cistern while simultaneously being fellated by a toothless pensioner named, funnily, uncle Charlie.
With the money I bought that diamond encrusted trowel I’ve always wanted.
Do you have a job?
JackL,
Are you offering?
I’m currently employed as chief accountant in an abbatoir…or possibly not…
JackL,
I’m unsure who you’re asking but, being a celeb and all, I can only assume you’re talking about me me me. My “job”, if you will, consists of dining in the right restaurants, with the right people, buying the right clothes in the right shops all the while sporting a shit-eating grin and putting my hair-dressers kids through college.
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
Good for you. I wish I could quit my addiction to TV just like that.
Mosaic, Still going strong a year and a half on from the above post. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to have a functional box in the house again.
The (very) odd time, when I’m over in my parents’ house, I find myself flicking through the channels. It’s not long before those old tv-induced feelings of anger, lethargy and mild despair come over me. I’ve no tolerance for it at all anymore.