Following the pioneering leads of other bloggers who have themed certain days of the week (in a quest, presumably, to add some shape and discipline to the haphazard business that is blogging) I present my latest, most insignificant, project: Manky Toy Monday.1
Every Saturday afternoon - in the spirit of a crap-culture flâneur - I shall scour the Euro shops2 and charity shops of Limerick searching for cheap, poorly-made, conceptually-bonkers toys. No more than 5 Euro bucks shall be spent on each excursion and - after detailed investigation of my acquisitions - thoughts and conclusions will be posted here the following Monday.
Special attention will be paid to those delightfully crappy knock-offs and pastiches of established brands. For every Star Wars action figure, after all, there is a shadowy (and mega-lame) Galaxy Battles doppelgänger. For every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle there is a distant and embarrassing cousin: let’s call him Kung-Fu Newt.
Extra special attention will be reserved for those toys that winningly (and madly) fuse popular culture concepts and elements to create new and delirious hybrids. Think He-Soldier…or Interstellar Wrestler (etc).
What is the purpose of this exercise? None really - other than the perverse pleasure I’ll get from allowing these tawdry and unloved artefacts a chance to shine while we all wallow in their supreme rubbishness. On to today’s offering…
Bought for 2 Euro in the…er…."2 Euro Shop" in William St., Limerick this has so many notable "manky toy" features it's hard to know where to start. Let’s have a look at it:
Oh Mama! Though it’s almost impossibly delicious, the series of toys really seems to be called "League of the Transformable". Let me just repeat that: League of the Transformable. How much more lyrical and groovy is that than the simple and unimaginative "Transformers"?
To make matters worse (better?), it is not readily apparent what the League member in question - "Super Rorot Rorot" - actually transforms into. Nowhere on the box does it indicate what Super Rorot Rorot’s particular gift is, nor why the League saw fit to admit him into their ranks. Nothing for it, then, but to crack open the packaging and test the extent of the toy’s transformability.
Since the right arm looks like a giant blender or whisk I first tired to steer "SRR" in a domestic direction: He was having none of it.
In fact, with every twist and turn of his plastic limbs the chances of him falling apart before the mystery could be solved grew ever more likely. Finally, however, I managed to figure out what SRR’s transformable claim to fame actually was: He can make fairly unconvincing stabs at impersonating a tank, or perhaps a crane (see below).
I’ve tried to transform him back into his Robot (or Rorot) form but this has proved impossible. He now seems sadly locked in tank/crane mode forever more. A disappointing end for a toy whose box promised a certain (misleading) dynamism by boldly proclaiming "GO!!!"3
Tune in same time next week for more sub-Kinder Egg goodies.
P.S: Two things I forgot to add…
1) After being recorded on fustar.info the toys shall be returned to charity shops, allowing the great cycle of consumption to begin again in a worthy environment.
2) "Manky Toy Monday" submissions from readers are most welcome. If you've found a cheap and hilarious piece of crap in your neck of the woods, send pics and a description on to me and I'll include it in the week's roundup.
GO!!!
Tags: toys, manky toys, transformers, star wars
- Doffing a cap to Bob Byrne’s excellent “fake Lego�? rants [back]
- Formerly known as Pound Shops [back]
- Note: 3 exclamation marks [back]
And so a new highlight of my week is born.
January 22nd, 2007 at 11:52 pmJays, Simon.
Is it that life is that dull or that Euro shop toys are that interesting?
Glad to be of service in any case.
By the way, I can’t decide which size font is most pleasing on the eye (and readable) with this new design. What you see now is the slightly larger font (just changed it as I thought the other required a bit too much squinting).
What’s it look like on your screen?
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:00 amForgot to mention, the gun that comes free with Super Rorot Rorot is completely useless and can’t be grasped by any part of his anatomy. I guess he can always hang it on the wall behind his desk for show.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:01 amWonderful Stuff. The photos seem to suggest that the “rorot” might transform into a large deformed prawn. Robots disguised as substandard finger food - may God save us all from their wrath.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:39 pmThe 3 photos of me attempting to transform the “rorot” actually make it seem less crap than it is (if anything).
Our digital camera got lost in Bristol airport recently so I had to make do with a mobile phone cam. If you could see the thing in higher resolution it would probably seem far more prawn-like.
I only just got it to assume that shape without the whole thing falling to bits in my hands.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:33 pmIs this the first toy to be named in consultation with Scooby Doo?
“What’ll we call it, Scooby?”
“Ri Ron’t Ro! Rorot, Rorot?”
“You’re a toy naming genius, Scoob.”
January 24th, 2007 at 10:53 pmI often wondered how the Scooby writers seemed to nail the distinctive speech patterns of dogs so accurately. Did they do research?
If anyone remembers the “hilarious” talking canines on Esther Rantzen’s That’s Life they’ll appreciate that Scooby’s pronunciation is right on the money.
The That’s Life dogs weren’t, of course, quite as loquacious as Scoob…limiting their chatter to demands for sausages (”Ri Rant Rausages!”) and expressions of devotion (”Ri Rove Rou!”).
January 25th, 2007 at 1:13 amI have a fake WWF toy wrestler called ‘dude love’ which is itself quite appropriate given the innate homoeroticism of ‘wrestling’. However, the rest of the wrestlers in the collection are called Mark, John, Peter, James, David, Michael and Sam. Peter walks around with a spider the size of a dustbin and Michael looks like a chainsaw weilding Gene Simmons. I shall take some photos when i get a chance. They’ll be a tough one to beat.
January 25th, 2007 at 6:51 pm“Dude Love” is actually one of the wrestling alter-egos of extreme wrestling legend Mick Foley (best known perhaps as “Mankind”, and for his charming appearance in Beyond the Mat). Does he look anything like this?
http://www.lethalinjection.com/csme/love/1642c290.jpg
I love the way they flirted with illegality by calling one of their figures after an existing wrestler but then, thinking better of it, opted for safe, colourless monikers like “James” for the rest of the line.
Would love to see pics. It might give me an excuse to write a post about wrestling, something I’ve always been meaning to do (no, really).
January 25th, 2007 at 11:57 pmYeah, i remember Mick Foley. I didn’t realise he called himself ‘dude love’ though. My toy doesn’t look anything like him. In hindsight, perhaps he’s just wearing a ‘dude love’ wifebeater and is actually called Carl. or something.
January 26th, 2007 at 1:41 pmWhile decidedly _not_ a manky toy, I believe I may have found something topical for grown-up fans (no, darling, it’s an iPod dock. See?). Btw, Mr. Fústar: are you a fan through the American TV series, or the (fantastic) British comics?
capthca: marker, as in what my younger siblings used to scribble throughout my one-and-only Transformers annual (1988). The (censored).
January 26th, 2007 at 2:07 pmEWI,
Though I was never a huge fan of the whole Transformers thing, it was definitely the comics for me, all the way. I loved ‘em.
Mind you, I was a ravenous comic omnivore back then and used - when finished my own weekly assortment - steal my sisters’ Buntys & Mandys. It was always tough waiting a full week to find out who was going to win the schools’ hockey final etc.
In other words, I’d have read any old shit back then.
January 26th, 2007 at 3:11 pmThe superior _British_ ones, though? The american ones were crap - badly-drawn, badly plotted and bad dialogue.
captcha: kitten, as in the incredibly tacky fales-diamond collar the kitten at home was inflicted with when I went back for Christmas.
January 27th, 2007 at 1:58 amEWI,
I don’t think I ever read the American Transformers comic (as it wasn’t available from our local newsagent) so it was indeed the British version that I used to buy. For something that should have been a rubbish toy tie-in it was (as far as I recall) delightfully epic in scope.
January 28th, 2007 at 5:04 pmWhat you have is a knock off of a real transformer…
namely the minicon Bonecrusher
( details http://www.bwtf.com/armada/toys/reviews/landmilitary/)
The “real” toy is about an inch and a half long… as you can tell from the pictures the knock-off got the scaling completely wrong.
and I’m still san enough to buy them (the new Bumblebee is on my wishlist!)
March 6th, 2007 at 12:34 amThanks Will. The mystery is solved. I’d imagine, then, that every toy in the “League of the Transformable” range has a counterpart in the world of real Transformers. Some devoted researcher out there will (one day) match them all up (with pictures). It’s important work and it needs to be done!
March 6th, 2007 at 2:29 pmhttp://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,,2071458,00.html
May 4th, 2007 at 10:56 amOkay let me give a response now
!!!WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!
This may annoy and offend any transformers fan
!!!WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!
Okay I was on holiday and found a mighty “league of the transformable” toy in all its glory and as I was on holiday and would buy any crap shoved into a gift store I thought well as I just saw the new transformers movie “hey for 1.99 I’ll buy this toyâ€?,
And to be fair this one was much better than the one showed by fústar this one (though occasionally gets jammed) can change back and forth between a big man dude and a truck thing with ease.
since then I have been in another gift store (well discount store) and saw all 3 of the latest league of the transformable toys they are as follows…
1. the blue racing car that transformables into a big blue dude with a big gun and another translucent orange gun (both holdable)
2. the big black pick up truck (with flames on the side) that transformables into a big black dude (no racism) that comes with a big orange translucent mace
3. and only 1 word has to be said for the last member of the league OPTIMUS PRIME you couldn’t get a closer rip off than this one I didn’t buy this toy but I am sure it would have transformabled into a truck like optimus pime
these transformables do not have names but if they did im sure that number 3 on the list would be named something ripped off like maybe optimum pirde or optiva primal
any questions you want answered about “THE LEAGUE OF THE TRANSFORMABLE� then e-mail me at Beasor2@hotmail.com I consider my self an expert about the subject
August 30th, 2007 at 8:40 pmSam,
Surely a fan site is the next step?
September 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 pm[…] 38 - Ok, that transformer toy is a little bit more special than the League of the Transformable alternative. Toy Show very middle-class thus far. We need to see a few Manky Toys to redress the […]
April 17th, 2008 at 3:58 pm