Though John Waters' spectacularly clunky and hokey lyrics for Ireland's 2007 Eurovision entry ("They Can’t Stop The Spring") were understandably greeted with howls of derision, it's hard to deny that he's simply following in an ignoble tradition.
Here, for your 'enjoyment', is a particularly hilarious/notorious verse from Waters' opus:
The curtain has been raised
And Europe's all one stage
And the archipelagic icicles
Have melted like the cage
"Archipelagic icicles"? I didn't even write shit that bad back in my leather-trousers-wearin', Jim-Morrison-lovin' days.
Cast our mind's back 26 years to Sheeba's "Horoscopes", however, and we encounter lyrics strained/bonkers enough to (perhaps) make even Mr. Waters blush:
Don't let the planets take control of our lives
Believe in the truth and not celestial lies
It's we, not the stars above, who write our horoscopesThrow away almanacs, signs of the Zodiac
Then there is sense to be found
They are celestial, we are terrestrial
Let's keep our feet on the ground1
"Horoscopes" can either be interpreted as a warning to resist the seducing wiles of palmistry, ouija boards, tarot and the like, or, a rousing paean to self-determination and free will. Whatever the case may be, the message is delivered with chipper gusto by the mighty Maxi, Frances Campbell and Marion Fossett. Here it is in all its glory (a glory somewhat dampened by shoddy video quality).
Actually, the more I watch it, the more I like it (and the more I'm reminded of my childhood crush on Maxi). The whole thing has a retro-futuristic, circus acrobats/Barbarella quality that's hard not to warm to.2 Perhaps the lesson is this: A bouncy (fun) pop song doesn't invite us to dwell on lyrics, but a ballad (inevitably) does. The question then is…how will Dervish distract a watching Europe from paying too much heed to Waters' "archipelagic icicles"? Can even silver, sparkly frocks disguise lyrical crimes this serious?
A sort of Bizarro World counterpart to "They Can’t Stop The Spring" can be found on the marvellous new Tom Waits triple-album: Orphans. It's called "You Can Never Hold Back Spring" and it can be heard here (apologies, but I haven't yet learned how to embed MP3s).
Tags: Eurovision, Maxi, Sheeba, John Waters, Dervish, Tom Waits
- Lyrics by Joe Burkett [back]
- The circus aesthetic was probably courtesy of Marion Fossett. [back]
Hello Sheeba
March 12th, 2007 at 12:19 amHoroscopes is Fantastic Hit 1981! With Maxi, Marion Fossett, Frances Camphell. Three Super Women!(Grand Compliment)
Greetings Heinz on Sheeba and all the best and lot of Succes.
Please back,write. Dignity me pleased.
….and beans means Heinz.
March 12th, 2007 at 10:01 amYou need to be careful about crticizing those “Archipelagic icicles” or you may be called a ‘corner boy’…
I gather from Wikipedia that the song is to be performed by a band called ‘Dervish’ which seems an odd name for a group from Sligo that specializes in traditional Irish music, but maybe the bould John will don a full length white frock and a tall red hat and do a bit of whirling to accompany his song. Perhaps “Archipelagic icicles” is really a mantra that he could chant while whirling…
March 12th, 2007 at 1:34 pmHeinz,
Thanks…I think. They were indeed “three super women”. A sort of acrobatic, singing, 80s Irish super hero team. Go team Sheeba!
Ithaca,
I would absolutely love it if John Waters called me “a corner boy”. I’d immediately put the quote up on the sidebar. Unfortunately, he’s a “neo-luddite” (apparently) and would rather be reading leather bound tomes than slumming it with the oiks on the durty, new-fangled internet.
March 12th, 2007 at 2:26 pmGreat post as ever Fústar. I don’t want to lay into Mr. Uisceanna too much but I was really taken aback by the utterly juvenile and contrived lyrics he ‘penned’ for this opus. I agree with you in terms of the bouncy pop song versus the ballad: Uisceanna asks us to listen to his lyrics, we listen and we tremble.
March 15th, 2007 at 11:08 pmI loved the Sheeba song when it was Ireland’s entry in the Eurovision, I think I love it even more now. Ahh Maxi…..
Mr. Uisceanna is a soft target, tis true. Poking fun at him and his various follies is like shooting dead fish in a barrel of glue. Still, that never stopped such shooting taking place over on Cruiskeen Eile. You git the gun. Ah’ll git the buckshot.
There were so few sex symbols on Irish TV back in the day that we all probably fancied the same ones: Maxi, a Bosco presenter or two…er…Biddy? I’m quickly running out.
Maxi was the queen of the crop though.
Who did the gurls have? Mike Murphy?
March 16th, 2007 at 9:12 pmCnuimh, I also think “Horoscopes” would make a splendid BPLO encore number. Three voices harmonising. Tear-stained eyes among the Eurovision faithful. A possible airing on Maxi’s radio show. It can’t fail. Make it happen.
March 16th, 2007 at 9:21 pmGuardian -
March 19th, 2007 at 12:08 pmThe grumpy old man of Eurovision
Like this bit from the Guardian article:
Er…I, of course, was fully aware of the Solzhenitsyn reference, but chose not to mention it as I assumed the blog’s readers would be savvy/literate enough to pick it up. *cough*
I’m sure Waters is a closet Krazy Mess Groovers fan. It’s like musical porn for him. A dark, guilty secret.
March 19th, 2007 at 12:42 pmHello Sheeba
August 8th, 2007 at 4:10 pmLyrics: Horoscopes
Rushing for the papers every day To find out what the stars have got say About the fortunes that are on the way It s Crazy Crazy, but also You came through love me, Do I dream from Maxi(1973) and This Time from Marion Fossett(1996) is very beautiful lovely!!!!
Greetings Heinz on Sheeba