Science, Nessie and the Reptilian Humanoid Hypothesis

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A hearty thanks to my oul' pal Copperknickers for pointing me in the direction of recent "Nessie" footage that is (if you believe the below report…and you shouldn't) "causing a sensation".

The images were captured on video by one Gordon Holmes (an "amateur scientist") who…

…was carrying out experiments at the famous Loch when, by chance, he happened to spot a strange creature in the waters.

Look upon Gordon's work ye doubters and prepare to eat fistfuls of the humblest pie:

Not convinced? Bah! It's sceptics like you that rob the world of its enchantment…with your test tubes, your Bunsen burners, your pipes, your periodic tables of elements etc. What consolation does your "science" offer you when (in the dead of the night) you lie like a scared, sweating child trying to work out what that dim shuffling, snuffling shape is in the corner of the room? 'Tis times like that when the test tubes are flung into the far corner in favour of a set of rosary beads (and a duvet pulled up over the head).

Ok, I admit it. Much as I "Want to Believe" Mr. Holmes's footage is, in my scientific opinion, a big pile of shaky, low-res shit. It's probably just an otter. Or two otters. Or an otter strapped to a log.

One in the eye for enchantment. Douze pois for "Science". Boo…

As much as I respect and admire the honest and imaginative endeavour of many scientists (seriously), it's hard not to chortle at the way "Science" is invoked (often by "believers" themselves) as a way of legitimising research into "Fortean" phenomena. Such invocation risks dampening that delicious (discombobulating) frisson of strangeness that may well be the whole point/purpose (and pleasure) of such phenomena in the first place.¹

"Science", of course, can (and often does) boggle the mind and stretch the elastic of imagined possibility in a similar manner. Like a lot of people I've dipped into the literature of "Popular Science" (though I freely admit that I've probably only finished a mere 15% of the books I've started). How much I've retained or understood is yet another matter, but the accumulated effect of reading such stuff (and its distant Fortean cousins) is still significant. If nothing else I've happily embraced the view that a "common-sensical, "Vote Fianna Fáil", "Buy an SUV", "Accept the inevitability of liberal capitalism" outlook is but a tiny, grubby part of the totality of human experience.

But enough of that. Back to Gordon Holmes and his monster. Loren Coleman (over at Cryptomundo) was very briefly on CNN, cautiously defending the possibility of a monster in the loch. A few days later however, after doing a bit of background-checking on Mr. Holmes, Loren doesn't seem so sure of his reliability as a witness. It seems that Gordon (a Media and IT Technician at the University of Bradford) has previously offered for sale video footage of "Fairy like images in the heather on Ilkley Moor & Cottingley Beck".

This, in fairness, does not immediately discredit him, for his images of prancing fairies on Ilkey Moor may indeed be both compelling and convincing. What sets off clearer alarm bells (for me) is his list of "Famous people whom I have shaken by the hand". These include: Ted Heath, Prince Charles and Jilly Cooper.² You don't need me to tell you that they're all blood-drinking, reptilian humanoid members of the illuminati.

It's easily proven by science!

And that, I think, was where we came in…

[tags]Loch Ness, Gordon Holmes, Video, Charles Fort, Science[/tags]

1. After all, I don't necessarily want to understand, but I do want to (even vicariously) experience. [back]
2. Jilly having had her hand shaken as recently as July 2005. [back]

June 6, 2007

Posted in All posts, Folklore, Weirdness.