As regular readers may have gathered, my enthusiasm for the mighty game of snooker is long-standing. While weak eyes and a total lack of diligent practice have consigned me to life as a bog-standard club player - I once very nearly made a 1/2 century break (with only a rattled-in-the-jaws black denying me this minor milestone).

In other words, I'm not completely useless - a fact borne out by the regular thrashings I used to give all-comers on the extremely cheap (6 x 3 1/2 foot) table that once stood (not quite proudly) in my childhood bedroom. That table, alas, was to meet a nasty end when my grand-uncle Jim (while attempting a tricky pink along a spongy cushion) threw his right leg over one of the rails. A sickening crack was heard as the chipboard supports gave way…

When the bitter tears subsided, my brother (an enterprising sort) quickly realised that the table-top would make the perfect "grassy" plain for his Lego castle and knights. Not, in hindsight, the worst fate for this cherished "toy" I suppose - though at the time all I felt was slightly sick.

Cheap as that ill-fated table was, it must (at the very least) have cost more than 2 Euro. In that it had the edge over the object I present today (in an attempt to reawaken the dormant Manky Toy Monday). Ladies and gents, allow me to present "Super Pedestal Ball" - the snooker equivalent of playing football with an orange.

It's hard to capture, through still images alone, the odd mixture of disappointment and hilarity playing "Super Pedestal Ball" actually produces, so Jess and I have made a short video for your edification. Thoughts on my individual shots (and shot selection) will follow:

Shot 1 (a): Not the most promising of starts. As I try to place the white in the baulk area it sets off rolling 3/4 of the way down the table. I gingerly replace it, albeit somewhat illegally, a few millimetres in front of the baulk line.

Shot 1 (b): Off I go. Keen eyes will notice that I impart some bottom right-hand spin on the cue ball…though this has a more radical effect than anticipated - causing (as it apparently does) the majority of the object balls to congregate in the centre of the table in a tight pack. Hmmm…

Shot 2: After some indecision (caused by uncertainty regarding the precise rules of Super Pedestal Ball) I raise the butt of the plastic cue and try a thin power-cut of the green into the right centre pocket. The results are disastrous - with the white shooting into the right corner pocket and the rest of the balls bunching together, ever closer, by the blue spot. Damn.

It's then I realise that the only way to retrieve the white (for my next shot) is by removing a leg of the table! A not inconsiderable design flaw I'm sure you'll agree. You may also notice some erratic camera-work at this point. This is due to my wife (an inexperienced camera-operator) succumbing to a semi-hysterical bout of laughter.

Shot 3: After replacing the leg and attempting to regain my composure, I opt for a more attacking approach - lots of power and right-hand top-spin. Seconds later and the balls have (with farcical predictability) returned to their favoured formation.

"Is there some strange magnetism at work?", I ponder, as I wipe the tears from my face.

Shot 4: Success! One of the "pockets" is now satisfactorily stuffed with balls…although, maddeningly, the white is among them. Gah!

I wearily reach, once again, for a table leg…