Manky Toy Monday: Forest Beast
Today's manky journey takes us back to a mist-enshrouded lost world that time forgot. A land where Beastmasters stride about like be-loin-clothed titans while barbarians drink mead from dragons' skulls. A time of wizardry, necromancy and smashing things with oversized weapons. Welcome to the fantastic realm of Forest Beast.
From what I can tell there are two main humanoid protagonists (or antagonists) in the Forest Beast universe. One of them is this (rather cross-eyed) beefcake:
While I try not to rely on physical appearance to determine an individual's character, it seems fairly likely that said beefcake is the chunky hero of the piece. By the same token one can't but imagine that the demonic chap I purchased is malevolence incarnate – and chunky boy's eternal nemesis. Just look at the state of him:
Based on a close reading of the somewhat unhelpful packaging I've determined that both the beefcake and his ferocious antagonist are in the business of dinosaur hunting. While this may seem an extremely hazardous occupation it should be noted that the dinosaurs of the Forest Beast world appear to be no bigger than an average (contemporary) donkey. Even the normally spectacular Brontosaurus is of modest proportions – so much so that our demonic friend's spiked leash hangs loosely (and ineffectually) from the beast's scrawny neck:
Despite the easy escape its skinniness affords it the Brontosaurus seems content to accept its lot – allowing its evil master to mount it in rather cruel (and risqué) fashion…
Though many indignities are, no doubt, routinely heaped upon it, our Brontosaurus friend seems to bear its ordeal with a kind of quiet dignity and resignation. Even when ridden to exhaustion (and confronted with giant arachnids) he manages, somehow, to keep his head held high and his upper lip stiff and unwavering. It's enough to make one shed a solitary tear.
Mention should also be made of the toy's hilariously inaccurate description of itself. Though not quite in the same surreal league as "The pirate were beaten the inside to can call", its sadly misplaced confidence and optimism offers plenty of entertainment:
Rarely (if ever) can the words "Modern and elegant in fashion!" have been so brazenly and outrageously applied.
Oh stoic and noble Brontosaurus…hang thy tiny head in shame.
November 12, 2007
3 responses to Manky Toy Monday: Forest Beast
Here’s something else that claims to be “modern and elegant in fashion”. It’s the “Amusing Tricycle”. I do urge you to order one:
[Link]
Check out that PVC lamp while you’re there too.
Graylien, If I had access to such wonders I could make Manky Toy Monday a daily column. I’ll have to move to China. It’s as simple as that.
You’re missing the bigger picture. It’s a wind up cartoon car IN THE REAL WORLD! We’re talking Homer buying erotic cakes here people!