Fate, as the unluckiest among us no doubt realise, can be a cruel and capricious thing. To some it regularly deals four (or even five) aces, to others it simply administers crippling punches in the groin. Being on the receiving end of this nasty groin-punching is (of course) never pleasant, but reading tales of people so afflicted is rarely less than captivating.

Take the misadventures of Blake (no relation to Noel) Edmonds for example. At one time this former Formula 1 champion "had it all" (if by "having it all" one means fame, fortune, and a square & manly jaw).

In, however, stepped a devastating combination of fate and a malfunctioning plane engine.

There's nothing quite like a melted off face to expose the superficiality of one's well-wishers and hangers-on. While his previous youthful, athletic vitality proved intoxicating to the (fickle) general public, Blake's mangled, skeletal visage was obviously too "grim spectre of death"-like for mainstream tastes.

Those who remember "Death Wish" (which moved from Speed to Tiger and on to Eagle) will probably well recall the delightful way in which it combined the tragedy and pathos of The Phantom of the Opera with the thrills and (potentially fatal) spills of stunt performance. The "Death Wish" of the title was, of course, Blake's own. With little left to live for (and painfully straddling this world and that beyond) he participated in ever more outrageous and dangerous stunts. In spite of such recklessness the sweet embrace of death never came, and so he continued to walk the earth, shielding his ruined face with a grimly stoic mask.

The whole thing was (to my boyhood mind) deeply moving. In marked contrast, the ostensibly similar adventures of "D-Day Dawson" were merely enjoyably silly.¹ Dawson (if memory serves me right) took a bullet in or near the heart during the D-Day landings of 1944. According to the army doctors the slightest shift in its position could spell instant death. Rather than letting this get him down, Dawson girded his loins, stiffened his lip, and gleefully accepted suicide missions worthy of a man living on borrowed time. If he was going out, then he was damned if he wasn't taking a significant portion of the German army with him. Thin on pathos, but positively dripping in hilariously bonkers Jingoism.

All of which leads us on to a connection with the "Girls' Comics" fixation I'm currently trying to shake. Thanks to "steelclaw" at ComicsUK I've been introduced to a Gothic, female version of "Death Wish" (minus the motorbikes and action) called "The Girl in the Mask" (click below image for full page goodness):²

The short synopsis brings us up to speed with our heroine Dorinda Lacey's life thus far. I think it's safe to say that "Aunt Clara" is out of the running for any "Compassionate and Supportive Guardian of the Year" awards.

Orphan Dorinda Lacey was brought up by her wealthy Aunt Clara who told her she was terribly ugly, as her mother had been. Although Aunt Clara was now dead, Dorinda still wore a mask to hide her face.

While not quite wishing for death, the pressure of terrible ugliness has obviously darkened Dorinda's mood. Lacking the military support that might channel her depression into lunatic acts of bravery, Dorinda is left to dwell on the vagaries of fate. With these words she captures a sense of what we all (at times) feel…in moments of drunken self-pity, or on wet and windy Monday mornings:

"Oh Mary. If only I weren't so dreadfully ugly. I could throw away this mask and live a normal life"

Though I've yet to see more than a page of this sad tale I'm willing to bet handsome amounts of cash that her supposed ugliness is ultimately proven to be a gross lie, spun by her vindictive Aunt Clara. Like 80s movies where one can still keep the cash at the end, as long as one learns a few humbling lessons along the way, Dorinda will (I'm sure) finish up rich, beautiful and beloved by the sick and indigent.

Either that or she ends up having her not-actually-ugly face melted off (before being shot in the heart).

P.S: Thanks to "philcom55″ and "Captain Storm" for the "Death Wish" images.

P.P.S: In Fact, Ah is still dead, but Modern Cadence has been cloned from its DNA. Go there and look.

1. I think this was in the pages of Battle but I may be wrong. [back]
2. It appeared, I've been informed, in mid-80s Mandy. [back]