[Being the second, and final, part of the "I was home sick so I watched the Planet of the Apes Box-set" reflections]
Given that Star Trek films tend to range from the awful (The Final Frontier, Insurrection) to the just about adequate (The Voyage Home, First Contact) then lauding The Wrath of Khan (1982) as the high-point of the series isn't really saying all that much. Yet, for all that, a high-point it most certainly is - largely because of (and not despite) the mesmerising, pantomimic clash of Grade-A ham(s) that is William Shatner vs. Ricardo Montalbán.
Not only does Khan have the diabolic effrontery to hurt Kirk (and go on hurting him) by leaving him "buried alive…marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet" (see 2.20 onwards for the best of the action)…
…but Montalbán himself gleefully accepts a challenge most actors would baulk at. He steps up to the plate and goes toe-to-toe with Bill Shatner in the carpet-chewing game. He comes, he chews, he conquers.
As delicious as many of his "Khan" flourishes were, however, the most memorable Montalbán moment may have come ten years earlier - in 1972's Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. The film opens in 1991 - the future…at least from a certain perspective. Like many imagined futures (of the time) concrete overpasses and underpasses abound. It's a bit like Basingstoke - only with slightly more police brutality and monkey slavery.
Into this dystopia (and we know it's a dystopia because there are curfews, ID Cards, and public loudspeakers that blare "Attention! Attention!") steps "Armando" (Montalbán), the compassionate circus owner from the previous film.
With him is "Caesar" (Roddy McDowell, once again) - the intelligent simian offspring of deceased time-travelers Zira and Cornelius.1 Horrified by man's barbaric treatment of his ape brothers (apes, I might add, who look suspiciously "evolved" for 1991) he snaps and yells out "Lousy Human Bastards!" (thus risking exposure and capture).
In steps the gallant Montalbán to cover for him. "Twas I", he says, "Who said those words". "Are you sure it wasn't your monkey there?", asks the copper. "Not at all, my friend!", laughs Ricardo. "Prove it", barks back the copper, "Say those words again till we hear ya".
So he does. And how.
The coiled rage; the jaw-trembling build up; the fabulous explosion - it's every bit the equal of Shatner's more celebrated "Khaaaaaaannnnnn!!!".
Anyway, time for bed. Night, night…you lousy human bastards.
- It's a long story [back]
“It’s a bit like Basingstoke - only with slightly more police brutality and monkey slavery.”
Ah, got you. Gairloch.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:58 amThose brutalist lumps of concrete in ‘Conquest of the Planet of the Apes’ are actually large chunks of the UC Irvine campus.
when I was living there a few years back we had a viewing of ‘Conquest’ just to check out the buildings we could recognise.
this page has more details (and stills):
http://www.ics.uci.edu/~jpd/misc/apecity.html
May 15th, 2008 at 9:58 amJustin, thanks for that. I figured it must have been a campus, conference centre or something of that sort. Did the Uni regularly summon students to their classes with calls of “Attention! Atention! Clear the main plaza and proceed to Education Area 5″?
Please tell me they did.
Sam, Gairloch?
May 15th, 2008 at 11:58 amConquest is easily my favorite of the Apes sequels and really the only one I’d say can go up against the first film. I’d love to see it before the powers that be at Fox softened the ending.
I was recently reminded of how great Ricardo Montalban is when I saw him playing a master spy with a crippling fear of children in an episode of Man from UNCLE. The clash of Montalban vs. Robert Vaughn was nearly the equal of the one with Shatner, especially when Vaughn would send a group of teenagers in Montalban’s direction in order to make his escape (and this happened at least twice). Ricardo pretty much freaked. It was beautiful.
May 19th, 2008 at 4:58 pmI rather like to think that Ricardo himself freaked. Assessing his McGoohan-worthy appetite for furniture {which has never failed to send me into fits of happy delirium} and preternatural ability to sell sham holy relics, the man appears to be invincible.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:14 pmSpooky - watched all 5 movies last month and then I find this post. Conquest gets better every time and I love Escape too. Battle still annoys me though because it could’ve been cool but was made so cheap…
When time allows, next up, re-watching the entire TV series…
FIGHT LIKE APES!
June 11th, 2008 at 10:26 amMeant to reply to this conversation earlier but had football on my mind.
Fully agree with Jason. Conquest is the only one that even comes close to the weird brilliance of the original and while it’s a pity that the bleaker (more violent) ending wasn’t left stand, its conclusion remains pretty satisfactory.
You’re not wrong about the cheapness of Battle, Martin. It’s essentially little better (in terms of ambition) than a feature length episode of the TV show (which I haven’t yet revisited).
Escape is pretty entertaining, and was probably my favourite when I was a nipper. It’s pretty ludicrous as Sci-fi though (how and why are they here again?) and doesn’t really stand up all that well when viewed with adult eyes. The “apes go shopping” sequence, in particular, is tough going!
June 11th, 2008 at 12:32 pm