Four games in and we've seen both the performance of the competition thus far (with Germany emphatically living up to their billing as pre-tournament favourites), as well as the appearance of Euro 2008's most impressive facial hair.
Though sculpted goatees are (particularly among the Italians) ten a penny; full on, log-choppin', backwoodsman efforts - like that sported by the delightful Christoph Metzelder - have, alas, become rather scarce in recent years.
On page 41 of my World Soccer Euro 2008 Special, Mr. Metzelder is described as "cultured". I'm not sure if this description is based entirely on his hirsuteness, or if (for example) he has occasionally been spotted reading the German equivalent of The Guardian (or seen hanging around antique shops), but in the current scrubbed, polished and gelled footballing environment the full beard definitely marks him out as "other".
This "otherness" can either come across as fairly "rock 'n' roll" - as was the case with the modestly talented but magnificently bearded Alexi Lalas…
…or it can simply make you look worryingly scholarly and nonathletic.
My all-time favourite footballing beard falls (I suppose) into the latter category. Though Tony Grealish's copious facial hair was never to make an appearance at a major tournament (one of the great tragedies of Irish football), fond memories of it linger on to this day.
It didn't (I think it's fair to say) ever look particularly rock 'n' roll. Nor could it have been accurately described as "cultured" (whatever the hell that actually means). What it did suggest (at least to me) was "mediocre secondary school Geography teacher". In hindsight this makes Grealish seem rather quirky and lovable. At that time, however, his beard somehow managed to symbolise consistent Irish uselessness.
I can't finish such a discussion without mentioning one of football's most unshakable commandments - "If thou are a goalkeeper, thou must never, ever wear a beard". Nothing cheers the opposition and drains the confidence from the home supporters like the sight of a hairy man between the sticks. I don't know why this is the case exactly, but it's undeniably true.1
P.S: Oh yes, the actual football. Well, in brief, Poland were most impressive (even in defeat). Croatia were a disappointment (the loss of Eduardo seems keenly felt). Austria surprised everyone (including their own supporters) by, astonishingly, not being totally crap.
Austria 0-1 Croatia
Germany 2-0 Poland
- The only thing worse than a bearded 'keeper is (shudder) a bearded 'keeper wearing leggings. Field a fella with that lamentable combination and you might as well just hoist the white flag. [back]
Ne’er has a truer word been written than this:
To those of you who remember Peter Disztl - the Hungarian goalkeeper from Mexico ‘86, Fústar’s axiom will not come as a surprise. In their opening game against the Soviet Union, Disztl had to pick the ball out of his net six times.
Here’s why.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:04 pmThat linked to image is one of the greatest things ever. I had to reproduce it here.
He looks less like a geography teacher and more like a war criminal…
In fairness to him I seem to recall he had a decent enough match in Dublin against Ireland in the qualifications for 1990. He did end up conceding 2 but at least that’s a marked improvement on 6.
Maybe he’d shaved!
June 10th, 2008 at 6:44 pm