Manky Toy Monday: Rapid, Fighter, Apex
I've mentioned (somewhere) before that I, like most children, was more than happy to mix, match and mash together toy worlds and universes in the name of fun. This tolerance of inconsistency led to situations where Star Wars figures happily played 5-a-side soccer with Subbuteo balls, "Sylvanian Families" found their rustic cottages transformed into Ewok tree houses, and Sindy & Action Man shared both a bed and tedious domestic "adventures". All of this was, in my imaginative multiverse, perfectly acceptable.
There were, however, situations when even I was forced to draw the line and cry "Stop the lights! That don't make one lick of sense". A case in point? The conceptually nutty (and brazenly exploitative) phenomenon that was/is the "Superhero/villian plus Ridiculous & Unnecessary Vehicle" toy. You know the ones. Spider-Man on a quad bike. The Hulk driving a JCB. Superman in his Supercopter.1 Dr Doom on a Pogo Stick. That kind of thing.
Since the makers of Manky Toys never miss a trick or a trend, I was in no way surprised to find just such an unlikely 2 Euro pairing in Wickham Street's Europlanet (or whatever it's actually called).2 The hero included was the ubiquitous (and aforementioned) Spider-Man (he absolutely dominates the Manky market). Nothing particularly interesting or unusual about him – other than a "Sacred Heart" chest light (we've seen this before), a gold spider on each breast, and the usual manky absence of a paint job on his back half.
The real star of the pack is Spidey's cuddly, chirpy, freaky, Jimbo & the Jet-Set-esque means of transport. Here "he" is.
Awww. Ain't he cute? Big, googly, moist headlamp eyes and a stuck-on-spider button nose. All he wants in life is to wuv you (and to be wuvved in return).
Plastered all over his un-aerodynamic body are stickers advertising his pal Spidey's strengths and talents.
1) He's tough.
2) He's fast.3
3) He's…er…the highest point…
Despite our little friend's enthusiasm for his friend/master, problems of scale (and manky production) render him sadly useless on a practical level. Where's a shrink (or grow) ray when you need one?
Anyhoo, the midnight hour approaches and the voice of reason suggests 'tis time for bed. Here's a gratuitous ass-shot as a parting gift.
The licence plate (or cryptic message) is unexpectedly official (or mysterious). The rudimentary anus is simply hilarious.
- Er, can't he fly? Ed. [back]
- I think it used to be Black Spot records. [back]
- Or "excellent" if you interpret this boast as Limerickian slang. [back]
November 10, 2008
7 responses to Manky Toy Monday: Rapid, Fighter, Apex
Okay, I think I just got a clear glimpse into the mind of the child that years later would be driven to create “Greetings Earthlings”.
Have a productive + restful week, F.
Hopefully the new Spider-man torch will prove more useful in case of a sudden black-out, not like that crappy one we had before.
Are you planning another manky toy show this year, and if so can I be your helper again?
Wife o’ mine, Yes. Plans for another Manky Toy Show are stewing and brewing in the septic tank of my mind. This year we should try and have it on the same night as the actual (i.e, crap) Late Late effort. A groovy alternative for the cool kids.
Oh and you’ve got the assistant gig again. Debbie McGee said no.
On the subject of superheroes with ridiculously unnecessary vehicles, the Japanese really took this idea and ran with it in their 70s TV version of Spider-Man. He not only has a car, but a car that flies and joins up with a spaceship that turns into a giant robot.
Game, set and match! You just can’t beat that.
TV that subscribes to a “Manky Toy” aesthetic. Mashed-up, cobbled-together and even better than the real thing.
Jimbo looks like he’s wafting away a particularly vile fart.
There was more than a touch of vile farts about Jimbo‘s stinky and cheap animation too.