Posted by fústar in 
Back in the early years of this decade, when fustar.info was but a faint twinkle in the deepest recesses of mine eye, I was a reasonably avid collector of McDonald's "Happy Meal" toys. Despite that company's (probably deserved) reputation as a monstrously evil corporate bogeyman, there was always something endearingly crap and half-baked about their mascots.
Hokiest and most winsome of these were McDonaldland's two chief public servants: Mayor McCheese1 and Officer Big Mac. Their thrown-together (and incongruous) charm was more reminiscent of St. Patrick's Day parade volunteers – marching and waving in mangy, ill-fitting Bugs Bunny (or Tweety Bird) costumes – than polished products of the world's largest fast-food chain.2
By the time I'd started semi-seriously collecting, however, the mayor and his chief of police had been cruelly consigned to oblivion – victims of ruthless corporate "streamlining" in the 1980s.3 This inevitably meant that plastic objects bearing their burger-headed images became quite difficult to find, at least in the charity shops I used to regularly haunt.4
When the dust cleared on said "streamlining", McDonaldland was left with a core cast of but four: Head honcho Ronald, Birdie the Bird Girl, the reformed and defanged Hamburglar, and jolly purple blob Grimace.
Of these, the only character who retained much of the Mayor's crude appeal was the bould Grimace – a gormlessly optimistic, proto-Barney who carried a faint whiff of gender-transgressing danger.5 A lovable old soul certainly, but not necessarily (as Wikipedia confirms) the first being you'd turn to for a spot of corporate after-dinner speaking…
He is known for his slow-witted demeanor. His most common expression is the word "duh".
Hmmm. He was not, however, always the "well-meaning simpleton" his "duhs" might suggest. Back in his earliest incarnation he was a decidedly ill-meaning simpleton – dedicated (like the original Hamburglar) to theft and fun-interruption. To help him in this modest criminality he even had an extra pair of arms, all the better to grab and snatch. See the following, wretched-quality, video for details.6
This sudden and unexpected loss of arms, and total change of attitude (from baddie to goodie), is, of course, commonplace in another world – that of professional wrestling (well, apart from the arm-losing bit).7
In wrestling terminology Grimace's moral realignment would be know as a "face turn". The logical next step for Grimace, after a longish period spent as a beloved good guy, should have been an out-of-the-blue "heel turn" – i.e., a return to his former wicked ways. A short advertisement could easily have "sold" this reversal. Grimace "duhs" a few times before offering his hand/paw in friendship to his best pal Ronald. Ronald accepts. Grimace pulls him into a headlock and drops him face first (Ooh my!) onto a steel chair. That this hasn't (as yet) happened speaks volumes about the imaginative poverty of McDonald's creative team. Tsk, Tsk.
Even so, Grimace remains an intriguing and ambiguous figure. Behold the below for example – possibly one of the greatest objects I own.
Those reactionary fuckwits who viewed Tinky Winky's handbag as part of an insidious attempt to "homosexualise" pre-schoolers would no doubt read the pink scarf (and joyous body language) as clear indicators of an "alternative lifestyle".8
Did McDonald's anticipate this (possible) reaction? If so, they couldn't have side-stepped the issue better than by making the purple fella a kindly but moronic blob/slob. His incomprehension is harmless, and threatens not the status quo.
"It's OK kids. Grimace sometimes wears a skirt, or (y'know) a pink scarf and so on, but (bless him!) he doesn't understand! Silly old thing!"9
Then again…I dunno. I'm looking (closely) at his face and there's something in the rendering that suggests (if it's possible) a "defiant obliviousness". He is what he is and (damn it) he's somehow transcended the limits the "I'm lovin' it" mega-globo-corp has tried to impose on him. Onward he'll drive into the sunset (atop his little lime green cart) – waving at all of us. And for all of us.
- The 2nd greatest fictional mayor of all time – after Mayor Richard Wilkins of course. [back]
- Though this apparent crudeness could, of course, be a deliberate attempt by a much despised corporation to "soften" and deliberately undermine its all-powerful image. You wouldn't put it past 'em. [back]
- They may actually have been driven to their graves by the makers of H.R. Pufnstuf – who successfully sued McDonald's in the 1970s for ripping off the characters they created. [back]
- At this point I should point out that I have never, ever bought a Happy Meal. My entire collection comes from hours spent rummaging and rooting in charity shop baskets and bargain bins. Ronald McDonald never saw so much as a red cent of my money. In your fucking face, capitalism! [back]
- More of this anon. [back]
- I believe that's a young Jodie Foster. [back]
- It's also not uncommon in Home & Away. [back]
- I've a wind-up (skirt-wearing) hula-dancing Grimace somewhere that would send them over the edge entirely. [back]
- Phew. We can all sleep soundly in our (heterosexual) beds. [back]
Brilliant! Brilliant brilliance :) Love the footnotes, very Discworldian :)
Clearly Grimace is a subversive attempt to appeal to gay children and their pink pocketmoney.
Darragh, Thank you kindly. I wouldn’t know about the Discworldian footnotes as I’ve never read any Pratchett – but I’ll take your good word for it.
Inky, Are there many openly gay children looking to spend their disposable income on objects that affirm their sexuality? If so, the world has become a more progressive place than it was about 5 minutes ago (when I last checked). If there’s even a hint of a market there, however, you can bet the McD sorcerers have woven spells to capture it.
All children are openly gay.
Did you ever hear Grant Morrison talking about sigil magic? It’s very apropos of your last sentence. Should be on YouTube.
The religious right, normally so keen on capitalism, have missed a trick. Most of what we know about the market system so beloved of conservatives tells us that if a demand exists, the market, in its infinite efficiency, will rush in to fill it. So by claiming that Tinky Winky, Spongebob, etc are leading the kids astray, the God-botherers are betraying their own ideology. Rather, the chiddlers are all flaming gayers to begin with, and the market merely reflects that. I suggest that this thesis be posted forthwith on the forums of every conservative religious group followed by the word “discuss”. Then we sit back and enjoy the fun.
I can’t believe the Hamburglar had fangs!
The last few days my husband’s been wearing my daughters strongly colored beach towel on the way to the shower. Yesterday my daughter said, ‘Daddy, you look like a hula-girl!’
I’ve seen a rambling, but highly enjoyable, lecture he gave online somewhere where he touched on it (and life, the universes and everything in between). Must go see if I can dig it up again.
At least two possible types of response spring to mind.
Response 1:
McD’s is merely a spineless corporate lackey in thrall to the sleepless (all-powerful) armies of political correctness. You know the ones. They want to make all our children gay!
McD’s no doubt secretly want to promote old-fashioned moral values. They’re not bad folks necessarily (they love the free-dom market after all). They just don’t have the courage and moral strength to resist the ubiquitous gay-ening of the entire planet!
To summarise:
McDonald’s = The put-upon little guy.
Gay rights activists = Our omnipotent global overlords.
It’s so clear. How can anyone not see it?
Response 2:
zzzt…zzzt…does not compute. Ignore! IGNORE!!
Yay for gender ambiguity!
On the other hand, I always sneered at the absence of any female characters in McDonald’s realm. I don’t have any recollection of the Birdie girl from my childhood. Maybe all the processed food erased the memory.
His de-fanging was more symbolic than literal. I’m not sure where he’s positioned now in the scheme of things (or if he’s even still used) – but when last I checked he’d moved from Ronald’s arch-nemesis to Ronald’s lovable, roguish pal. Not a complete “face turn” – but as near as dammit.
She’s been around for a while, but she’s mega lame and highly forgettable. You know what they say: fast-food advertising hacks just can’t write for women.
Well, now “Gimme Gimme Octopus” makes so much sense!