Posted by fústar in 
932 days ago – back when Manky Toy Monday first announced itself to an awed & agog interweb – the world was a radically different place. People had jobs. People had gold-plated houses. People didn't have swine flu. 932 days ago you could whimsically blow 2 Euro on a shit toy without a second thought.
Doing so in the current climate of woe, penury & ruination, however, might seem crass and brazenly ostentatious. Like driving a diamond-encrusted SUV through a soup kitchen full of orphans. Thank the thirty lords, then, for "Footsie" – 25 cents worth of not-much-fun.
Rule number 1: If you're peddling a toy that's highly likely to disappoint, don't (whatever you do) put illustrations of crushed & disappointed-looking children on the packet. It rather gives the game away. In fairness to the boy, I suppose, he is at least attempting a half-hearted "Hey! This is brilliant!" act of denial. The girl, in contrast, is in no mood for mendacity. It's fucking rubbish…and she knows it.
Though I've deduced that hopping is somehow involved, I cheerily admit to being a bit fuzzy on exactly what Footsie is supposed to do. Given the name, with its connotations of gentle physical flirtation, might it be a tool for early sexual exploration? One that doesn't involve an invasion of private space?
"I daren't speak to Lucy…or even go very near her. If I could, though, just get my Footsie ball to cannon into hers…I'm sure she'd know something of my love."
Or could (as I suspect) these apparently harmless items instead be the heralds of a brutal, recession-driven, dystopia? One in which robotic orbs drag idle kiddies off to government-run slave labour camps?
I'm telling you. It's only a matter of time.
It looks like a ball-and-chain arrangement of the type favoured by cartoon prisons. All you need to do is increase the weight of the ball massively, and you could sell it as “Negative Equity Ball: The Mortgage Experience for Kids!” It’s educational because, as they drag it around, it helps them to understand what their parents are going through! No wonder the girl looks so depressed…
Or in these penurious times, it’s a good idea that even your toys be attached to you physically by a string, lest some other feral child steal it from you as society crumbles. (Although I can’t imagine a 25c toy has a good quality string…)
Doubtful,
The fact that Footise was on sale in a shop that appeared to be in the throes of closing down only added to its miserableness. Don’t think my generous donation of 25 cents will be quite enough to save them alas.
Haven’t tested the string’s durability yet (have been avoiding feral kids) but I wouldn’t fancy giving it to be a small chiddler. It seems purpose designed for strangulation.
As near as I can figger, you’re supposed to wave the be-Footsied leg around such that the ball swings in a circular arc, and hop up and down so that it doesn’t get tangled in the other leg. Which, I don’t know, I reckon if you got nicely toasted and started playing with this, the moment at which the full absurdity of your situation sinks in could be pretty hilarious and even quite profound.
Emordino,
Interesting (and most likely correct) theory.
Having said that, the more I look at the image the more I think the (controversial) subtext is “pre-pubescent sexuality”. I mean, look at the face of yer man. He can hardly believe his luck. His footsie orb is rushing in the direction of the girl he has a crush on and, even better, her footise ball is making a bee-line for him.
Admittedly she doesn’t (to put it mildly) look as thrilled about this forced attraction as he does, but resisting the footsie orbs is probably futile.
I could have done with one of those yokes when I was 10. And crippled by shyness.
It looks like the prototype for some quite nasty weapon. Imagine, if you will, that the weight at the end of the string is made of lead. Spin it round a bit, and then release, and you have a highly effective little sling-shot type thing. Maybe selling this apparently harmless, crappy, plastic toy was the start of a plan to soften up the public for a ROLLERBALL type prog. Wait until about 2015 and they’ll be advertising CELEBRITY FOOTSIE on the box. Various D listers will find themselves pulverised by the lethal lead ball as they fight against an army of wannabes who covet their 15 minutes of fame!
I had a version of this toy growing up in NYC the 60’s (I was about five years old at the time). It was less creppy looking than the one pictured above. Boys did not play with this toy as far as I ever knew. That would have been like seeing a boy do the hula-hoop. Was not happening. Here is a picture of the ball and chain that I owned:
http://www.timewarptoys.com/footsie.jpg
That was the real-deal version of this toy. I don’t remember playing with it for more than 5 minutes at a pop. It was pretty lame but somehow I remember it fondly.