Following the pioneering leads of other bloggers who have themed certain days of the week (in a quest, presumably, to add some shape and discipline to the haphazard business that is blogging) I present my latest, most insignificant, project: Manky Toy Monday.¹

Every Saturday afternoon – in the spirit of a crap-culture flâneur – I shall scour the Euro shops² and charity shops of Limerick searching for cheap, poorly-made, conceptually-bonkers toys. No more than 5 Euro bucks shall be spent on each excursion and – after detailed investigation of my acquisitions – thoughts and conclusions will be posted here the following Monday.

Special attention will be paid to those delightfully crappy knock-offs and pastiches of established brands. For every Star Wars action figure, after all, there is a shadowy (and mega-lame) Galaxy Battles doppelgänger. For every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle there is a distant and embarrassing cousin: let’s call him Kung-Fu Newt.

Extra special attention will be reserved for those toys that winningly (and madly) fuse popular culture concepts and elements to create new and delirious hybrids. Think He-Soldier…or Interstellar Wrestler (etc).

What is the purpose of this exercise? None really – other than the perverse pleasure I’ll get from allowing these tawdry and unloved artefacts a chance to shine while we all wallow in their supreme rubbishness. On to today’s offering…

Bought for 2 Euro in the…er…."2 Euro Shop" in William St., Limerick this has so many notable "manky toy" features it's hard to know where to start. Let’s have a look at it:

Oh Mama! Though it’s almost impossibly delicious, the series of toys really seems to be called "League of the Transformable". Let me just repeat that: League of the Transformable. How much more lyrical and groovy is that than the simple and unimaginative "Transformers"?

To make matters worse (better?), it is not readily apparent what the League member in question – "Super Rorot Rorot" – actually transforms into. Nowhere on the box does it indicate what Super Rorot Rorot’s particular gift is, nor why the League saw fit to admit him into their ranks. Nothing for it, then, but to crack open the packaging and test the extent of the toy’s transformability.

Since the right arm looks like a giant blender or whisk I first tired to steer "SRR" in a domestic direction: He was having none of it.

In fact, with every twist and turn of his plastic limbs the chances of him falling apart before the mystery could be solved grew ever more likely. Finally, however, I managed to figure out what SRR’s transformable claim to fame actually was: He can make fairly unconvincing stabs at impersonating a tank, or perhaps a crane (see below).

I’ve tried to transform him back into his Robot (or Rorot) form but this has proved impossible. He now seems sadly locked in tank/crane mode forever more. A disappointing end for a toy whose box promised a certain (misleading) dynamism by boldly proclaiming "GO!!!"³

Tune in same time next week for more sub-Kinder Egg goodies.

P.S: Two things I forgot to add…

1) After being recorded on fustar.info the toys shall be returned to charity shops, allowing the great cycle of consumption to begin again in a worthy environment.

2) "Manky Toy Monday" submissions from readers are most welcome. If you've found a cheap and hilarious piece of crap in your neck of the woods, send pics and a description on to me and I'll include it in the week's roundup.

GO!!!

1. Doffing a cap to Bob Byrne’s excellent "fake Lego" rants [back]
2. Formerly known as Pound Shops [back]
3. Note: 3 exclamation marks [back]