"The Flights of Flopear",¹ for those unfamiliar with Bunty's bonkers slice of Sci-Fi, told the story of young "Tessa Worth", who had been "transported from Earth inside a wonderful rabbit-shaped space-ship called Flopear". The circumstances which led to her being thus "transported" are unclear, but reading between the narrative's lines (and panels) one can't escape the feeling that some form of child abduction was at play.

The introduction initially paints a vivid (and charming) picture of interplanetary adventure by informing us that "Tessa and Flopear were ‘planet-hopping’ from one strange world to the next". In the same "breath", however, we are reminded that Tessa is, in fact, "Stranded in outer-space…trying to track down a piece of the elusive fire-crystal which would provide them with the power to make the long journey back to Earth". Suddenly it doesn't sound like such a laugh…

Those who quickly grew tired of Star Trek's dreary fourth incarnation, Voyager, will no doubt see a familiar narrative structure at work. Our heroes/heroines are lost far from home. Their journey's end is routinely promised but the means to secure this return is always just (by story's end) out of their grasp. Next week they try again…and so it goes, ensuring an endlessly forestalled resolution.

A curious feature of "The Flights of Flopear" is that Flopear exists both as the ship itself…

…and as a sort of avatar of himself within the ship's computer:

Mention should be made both of the above panel's tasty bit of shorthand intertextuality (Dr. Who, TARDIS) and Flopear's rather unimpressive array of in-flight entertainments. Space Invaders might be a seminal part of gaming history, but one might expect more from a rabbit who'd perfected the art of interstellar travel. Tessa is certainly not overly enthused, a point not lost on an increasingly disturbing (and disturbed) Flopear…

We're heading into the dark territory of the abuser/abused relationship here. Wolfgang Priklopil and Natascha Kampusch (in space) come suddenly to mind.

The rest of the tale is straight out of The Odyssey's "Land of the Lotus Eaters". Flopear detects a fire-crystal on the planet "Smarnia". They land. Tessa meets a slave race (with noses) and a ruling class (without noses). She becomes intoxicated by the smell of the Smarnian flowers and soon forgets all about fire-crystals, choosing instead to stay on Smarnia and become a lackey to the nose-less ones. Flopear is not amused:

After overhearing Smarnia's queen telling her cohorts "No visitor ever leaves Smarnia…The perfume makes them forget there are other worlds, beyond ours. They are content to remain here working for us", Flopear decides, "Feck this", and prepares to flee Smarnia leaving Tessa to her fate. However…

One enforced bout of sense-recovering hay fever later (long story) and Tessa is snapped out of her stupor. Back aboard Flopear she hops. But what of the precious fire-crystal?

So much for the (apparently) compassionate Flopear. Here he reverts to his established "I'll always find excuses why you can never leave me" form.

And so the search continued, deep into the blackness of outer-space…

Update 23/10/07: The mighty "philcom55″, over at the comicsuk.co.uk forums, has just uploaded the first page of the first ever Flopear story for us. Click here.

1. Drawn, I've been reliably informed, by Robert Macgillivray. [back]

The year: 2016 A.D.

The Place: New York City

For almost 30 years the city's zero tolerance policy has kept a lid on the forces of crime, vice and depravity that once overwhelmed it. That is, until now…

It is the 2nd decade of the 21st century and the lid is lifting. A new breed of criminal has emerged: highly organised, genetically modified, utterly brutal and merciless. Once again the city knows fear…gripping it like the gripping hands of a mad strangler.

In response to the continued public outcry, Mayor McGarnagle has pledged to take action. A new force is to be established. A maverick, highly-trained and deadly force. Upholding the law, but operating at its very fringes. This force is to be know as…Special Police!!

To help them in their crusade against the forces of evil they are to be provided with the very latest in state of the art weaponry and equipment. Here is their kit:

Item 1: Binoculars.

"Special Police" Protocol, Step 1: Establish visual contact with the suspect(s).

Studies indicate that most successful arrests occur after some form of visual contact with a suspect has been established. In other words, it is important.

Admittedly, this early prototype has a few kinks that may need to be ironed out. Early trials suggest that solid plastic binoculars without openings at either end may prove less effective as crime-fighting tools than those with holes and lenses. Also, at some stage of production someone has attached a sticker bearing the word "Telescope" to the object. This is somewhat confusing.

Item 2: A Pink Whistle.

"Special Police" Protocol, Step 2: Blow the whistle.

Research has shown that a shrill blast from a pink whistle is very slightly more likely (than whistles of any other colour) to make criminals momentarily interrupt their criminal activity. Nobody knows exactly why.

Item 3: Walkie-Talkie.

"Special Police" Protocol, Step 3: Alert other members of "Special Police" to the criminal activity taking place.

Again (due to cutbacks brought on by the ongoing global recession) the current version of the "Special Police" communication device is lacking some of the features (wires, transistors etc) one would normally associate with such technology. We have found, however, that shouting very loudly can often achieve much the same result. And at a fraction of the price.

Item 4: Standard Issue Revolver.

"Special Police" Protocol, Step 4: Use revolver to discharge bullets in the suspect's direction.

If the suspect does not immediately surrender upon hearing the pink whistle, it may become necessary to engage in actions of a terminally fatal nature, i.e. shooting the suspect several times in the head. Unfortunately the current model has a non-operational trigger/firing mechanism. In the event that a "Special Police" officer finds him/herself in the field with such a weapon we suggest sneaking up on the suspect and smashing them over the head with it. Note: This stealthy manoeuvre may have been compromised somewhat by the earlier blowing of the pink whistle.

Item 5: A Hand Grenade

"Special Police" Protocol, Step 5: Utter destruction of the suspect.

If, after steps 1-4 have been completed, successful apprehension of the suspect has still not been achieved then it becomes necessary to proceed to the final option: spectacular explosive terminality, i.e. throwing the grenade at the individual and trying to blow them up. Again, we have had some teething problems with this device. If (as seems likely) it proves ineffective as an explosive, we suggest throwing the object very hard at the suspect's face.

That completes the weaponry/equipment inventory. "Special Police", we put our trust in you. Reclaim our streets. Make us proud. Go "Special Police"!!

Closing Thoughts…

What has always fascinated me about stuff like the above is that someone, somewhere, had to conceive it, design the packaging etc, etc. It didn't (as you might think) simply pop into existence in some "2 Euro shop" warehouse. Someone actually had to spend time thinking about the production of it. Amazing.

It's a bit like music for adverts. Take the soft-rock-tastic Centra song for example. Again, someone actually sat down and wrote the lyrics. Someone went into a recording studio and performed/recorded it. What was going through their heads at the time? What inspired them to emote so passionately for Centra?

As to the inspiration for the "Special Policeman" on the above box: he looks to be an amalgam of Jake Gyllenhaal and Lee Majors. Donnie Darko meets The Fall Guy…via China.

Who are these people? Where do they work? How much do they get paid? These are the kind of issues "Manky Toy Monday" is beginning to throw up. Questions about the mysteries of the creative process & the mechanisms and ethics of international trade.